blue tint / screw this

you say shut up and i stare with blue tinted vision out the window of the joint. in the midst of a family laugh at a horrific time. headphones blaring the blue tinted music. the neurons shoot through my limbs and my fingers clash against each other in sudden succession. i turn from one bead to another almost like im in prayer. asking for something. for what. just voided. shaky and voided. 22 and the melodrama is still not quite over. you didn't eat for a year and now you never hunger for more. and you've made it my problem . "come closer" he said, as we stand for the picture. but haven't i gotten too close by this point? its futile to try. i cant believe i entertained the idea to try