jersey take me back

[fixme_in45]

there is this genuine pang i feel when i watch mcr vids/see pics of em all hanging out in jersey and just the way they dress and everything about them really takes me back to when i was a kid. therez a lot of reasons i wanna move back to jersey and i just. idk i've had bullshit happen in california and certain aspects of that place is fake as fuck and i am so absolutely done with it, and i cant stay in dallas forever because of the overall state of texas law.....idk i just have this instinctual feeling to go back to the place i grew up in when i was a kid. even with the underlying issues formulating i was still so much happier then, and that was all before i started masking. but also i never had a close-knit friend group then, and there's a lot of fulfilling things i missed out on. i know going there isnt gonna replicate my childhood, i know that. but something in me is telling me that i have to go back there and start my life back up, like revitalizing what i had left behind, what i missed, and making it into something new. and i fucking miss the grimy-ness of jersey, how grounded and real it was. its why i've been gravitating towards 90s grunge and 2000s emo cultures. they thrived in places like that, and it reminds me of the faint but palpable sense of distant familiarity. and i mean my family didn't have a whole lot at the time, we were paycheck to paycheck. but it was real, dude idk. it had a warmth and comfort and sense of home that i am never ever going to feel living with my parents ever again. more comfortable and privileged financial conditions sure, I'm grateful for that. but at what fucking cost.